I am not good at getting things done today. I am making coffee. I got distracted by the notes I left for myself all over my whiteboard and noticed that I listed off a couple things I wanted to write about in my blog. So, twofer! If I remember to post it. Oh god.
Anyway. I wanted to write about garbage disposals.
I happen to have one. Fortunately, I do not have two, or seven, or 23 of them. Just one. One is plenty.
Why is one garbage disposal plenty? Because I'm terrified of my garbage disposal. It makes the sink vibrate. It makes scary growling noises. It crunches. It makes weird smells and then I'm forced to buy lemons and toss those down there to fix the smells. This is also terrifying because the garbage disposal doesn't seem to like lemon peels and the whole sink shudders horribly every time I have to use a lemon to counteract the garbage disposal's desperate need to have a funk cloud fill my home. I do not enjoy this experience.
My least favorite part about having my garbage disposal is turning it on, and that is because I have to practically climb into the sink to reach the switch to turn the disposal on, and then, because I'm terrified of my garbage disposal, I must leap away from it as quickly as possible before its monster teeth come out and drag me in by the hair. I do not want to die by garbage disposal. After it has finished eviscerating all the gross stuff that fell into it and hopefully none of my spoons, I must leap over the sink and hit the switch to turn it off. I repeat, I must extend my person over the opening to the scary death monster that lives in my sink so I can make it go away. This is not fair.
Another reason I hate my garbage disposal is because I am fearful of it spitting tiny chunks of nasty stuff into the air. I am absolutely convinced that one of these days, the garbage disposal is going to barf all over the kitchen and then I will be stuck cleaning up garbage disposal barf, which is a million times worse than people barf or dog barf. I might not even be able to do it. If my garbage disposal ever barfed all over my kitchen, I'd probably have to just move rather than deal with that mess. (Also, to illustrate how strong my stomach is, I am currently eating breakfast while writing about this.) And I would have to leave all of my stuff behind, and I really like my stuff, so I hope my garbage disposal never decides it hates me enough to barf all over.
Also, there should be some sort of mesh thingy that can be moved out of the way to allow garbage to fall into it that sits above the flappy things. That way, my whole arm doesn't have to enter the garbage disposal EVER, and I will never have to worry about my silverware falling into the garbage disposal I'm afraid to look into ever again. Actually, I think I could buy something like that. It would be an extra step in cleaning the kitchen, but it might just be worth it to avoid the horror of having to stick my arm into the sink monster to pull out a spoon that cost less than 50 cents.
There is also a silly reason for my fear of the garbage disposal, which stems from my love of Stephen King. The first book I ever read by Stephen King was It, and I have reread it probably about 5 times, considering I read it for the first about 12 years ago, and I reread it about once every other year. Because I have read this book so much, I'm pretty familiar with the story. There is a part in this book involving a sink and a monster in the sink and a lot of blood. In fact, the scary stuff in the book mostly takes place near drains and things like that. Anyway, I don't know if you noticed, but I have an overactive imagination. This has caused me to terrify myself on a fairly regular basis, usually at night. My imagination would like to convince me that the garbage disposal is actually a monster that is going to come out and eat me or try to drag me in and eat me with magic. Logically, I know that this is not true, but my imagination disagrees and would like to inform me that if my coffee cup's eyes are looking behind me, there is a demonic farmer with really gross overalls holding a pitchfork standing there waiting for me to turn around so he may look at me while he kills me. This is part of why I try to suppress my imagination a little bit, because I really would simply stop sleeping. But I digress.
So, because of these reasons (fears?), I do not run my garbage disposal often. Because I am terrified of it. If there have been a lot of dishes lately, or if I've had to wash all of my dishes because I am overwhelmed by school and the first thing to go is the dishes until I completely run out of glasses and bowls (my current predicament), a large quantity of gross stuff makes its way into my garbage disposal all at once (or sometimes over time due to the lack of diligence in washing my dishes). Anyway, there's build up. And I hate running the garbage disposal if anything dishes related is in the sink. That means all of the dishes in the sink must either be removed to a different location or washed before I am willing to attempt to run the disposal. This further lowers the instances of running the garbage disposal, and makes the disposal unhappy and icky, but the vibration of the sink makes everything clatter and crash and that is also terrifying because of the violence of the clattering. Due to these (probably totally rational) fears, my garbage disposal is currently blocking the right side of the sink's ability to drain water. What this means is that the garbage disposal fills up with water, and because there's a lot of gunk in there, it's draining slowly, and because it's draining slowly and I'm washing a cup or a bowl so I can have some coffee and breakfast before I run around like a headless chicken all day, my sink starts to fill with water. Fortunately, it's not nasty garbage disposal water or I'd have to move. But this does cause problems if I'm trying to wash multiple things or get a dent in the dishes. I'm very lucky in that it is still at least draining, but if I don't run the disposal soon, that will become a distant memory.
I would be much happier living somewhere that had a dishwasher and no disposal. I can handle dumping the sink strainer into the trash. I am good with that concept. Apparently I am not good with the concept of turning on a scary, loud machine that will chew up the food I did not eat.
And this is why plumbers are rich.
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