The First Amendment is Not a Difficult Concept

So... I'm feeling ranty.  This was originally a Facebook post I made after a Facebook friend liked another one of those "In America, we say Merry Christmas" pictures because I am absolutely sick of that shit.  I've copied verbatim what I wrote (and added some more ranting), and included the picture that cheesed me off so much.  Also, I'm going to be kind of "offensive."  If that's not your thing, move along.

Here goes.

What the fuck, Right Wing News?

I have multiple problems with this image.

1. It is misappropriating Charles Shultz's work, and this annoys me. (Just like it annoys me when people put random phrases on pictures of Minions, or Winnie the Pooh, or whatever else.) Yes, the Christmas special talks about Jesus (from what I remember of it; I've only seen it once), but that doesn't mean you get to put words in Charles Shultz's mouth in order to further your own views. He was never particularly non-inclusive in my view; because he wrote from the perspective of a white, Christian, American person, his stuff was always going to have a bend in that direction. I sure as hell wouldn't expect anything about Kwanzaa from a bald white kid who can't kick a football. So of course he wouldn't say anything except Merry Christmas. It's still wrong to take someone's artwork and add your own words to it without clearly stating as such, since it's basically attributing it to that person, and he isn't even alive to defend himself.


2. America is NOT a Christian nation, and people need to get over that fact. The Founding Fathers specifically decided to avoid having a national religion so people would be free to worship as they choose, which means "Happy Holidays" is as appropriate as "Merry Christmas", "Joyous Kwanzaa", "Happy Hanukkah", or "Merry Yule". Back in the early modern period (1500-1800), there were a lot of countries whose religions were officially Christianity (or Catholicism, usually, until Protestantism appeared on the scene). Have you forgotten the INQUISITION? How about witch trials? These are products of "Christian nations". So I don't really feel that having an official religion would do this violent-ass country any favors.

Here is the text of the First Amendment to the CONSTITUTION of the United States of America:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

This means that the nation of the United States of America does NOT have an official religion. No one is required to be of any faith. So please stop saying America is a Christian nation, because I have had it with people saying that; it's ridiculous and makes you look ignorant. America is meant to be a free country, so nobody is going to make or enforce a law that says the official religion is Christianity and that that is what you believe. That, my friends, is called oppression, and most people frown upon it. Especially Americans, who are all about their freedom. So, Americans, why the hell are you trying to oppress your neighbors for being different from you? Are you stupid?  Do you not perceive the irony here?


3. I do not understand why the hell people get so offended when someone is polite enough to wish you well, even if you don't believe in the damn holiday. Who the hell cares what people believe? Why do you care that someone said "Happy Holidays" to you? They probably aren't Christian, or aren't sure if you are Christian, and rather than make an assumption about someone, they are choosing the "safest" phrase to say to share their glad tidings to you. How dare you be offended about that. That offends ME, that you would dare to be angry with someone for having the kindness in their heart to take time out of their day to wish you a happy or merry anything. I am an atheist, and I am proud to be an atheist, and I have no problem with religion in the slightest. I celebrate the secular version of Christmas, because I love the magic of the holiday. I say whatever phrase applies to whomever I am speaking to.

4. Have these so-called Christians forgotten what their precious Jesus says?  "Love one another."  Did he fucking stutter?

No, he did not.

Seriously.  Seriously!  "Jesus" (Yeshua, actually) was a brown, progressive, revolutionary, feminist homeless dude who just wanted everyone to love each other and care about each other.  And instead they started killing each other in his name.  If he ever actually existed, he'd be spinning in his grave so fast he'd probably dig a hole to the other side of the world.

Sometimes I feel like I would be considered better at being a Christian than most of the loud Christians out there.  I sacrifice for others, I am generous, I will give when I have almost nothing to give if someone needs it, and I generally do my best to be kind and helpful to those around me.  And I don't usually shout about it, because it's not about the recognition, it's about trying to make the world better, which is all that Jesus was trying to do (once again, if he ever really existed and wasn't a character in a book).  Didn't Jesus help people no one else would help, feed 5,000 people, and just try to teach everyone to love one another through fables and his own actions?  

That said, how the hell are you capable of being so hateful when you supposedly follow a man like this?  Have you even opened a bible?!  All you people who bitch and complain about people like me (atheists, non-Christians) and then behave like you do, you should be ashamed of yourselves.  You are nothing like the Christians you're supposed to be.  You are hateful bigots.  Why are your panties in a bunch over someone wishing you well the "wrong way"?  What about the refugees from Syria, or female infanticide in India and China?  There are bigger, wronger things to get your panties in a bunch about while you sit in your comfortable homes complaining that someone had the audacity to say "Happy Holidays" to you since you don't have a big fat "Christian" tattoo on your forehead to identify you as such.

In short, untwist your panties, put them on like adults, and get over yourselves. The world does not revolve around you or your beliefs.

Geeky Wedding Decor

I made a sign for my wedding reception (I'm getting married in 68 days - EEEE!!), and decided to publish it online in various places because I didn't want to keep it to myself.  I got the idea for the basic design from a pin on Pinterest by Offbeat Bride.  So clearly the design came from there, but I made the image myself, using a forest green desktop background of the Tengwar script and a font I found online called Kelt, which I've used for a couple other wedding things.

The Process
I cropped the image to the shape I wanted, inverted the colors, changed the colors to what I wanted, desaturated them, then added the words in a slightly darker color than the Tengwar script.  I made sure the whole thing was going to fit on a standard letter size sheet of paper, made the Tengwar layer semi-transparent, and saved the whole thing as one image.  (It's probably going to look like poo here because of the semi-transparent nature of the image.)

Here's what it looks like printed on paper:

I printed it on cream colored cardstock and threw it in the scanner to show Facebook.

And here's the full-size image, in all its transparent glory!  (Meaning it can be printed on almost ANY color paper.)

Also, a proper post will happen at some point.  Lots of changes.

Learning How to Have a Mother-in-Law, a Lesson in Sucking Less at Communication

It is not easy to learn how to combine with another family.  You have your quirks, they have theirs, and sometimes these clash.  And that’s okay.  Really, it’s okay.  Things eventually smooth out with patience, especially if you are willing to open yourself up to the other people and allow them to know you.

This is coming from a situation with my future mother-in-law.  Yes, mother-in-law jokes are a cliché, yes, they are sexist, and yes, they exist for a reason.  Yes, sometimes I don’t get along with her, and I do often keep it to myself when she says things I find hurtful, because I am desperately trying to learn how to connect with her.  Given my past, this is especially difficult for me (recap: my mother is completely INSANE, she tried to murder me in 2003, lots of drama in general, I cut off all contact with her in 2012 (which included deleting my original Facebook and abandoning my original blog), and it’s just easier to live life as though I have no mother at all).  I have been trying very hard for FMIL, because I want her to like me, and I also want her to understand who I am as a person, because the day will come when I finally stop being so careful around her (probably while I am in labor with our first child). 

This is coming from a situation from the last couple years where she will say things that are really hurtful without realizing how hurtful she actually is being, or giving unsolicited advice, and a general feeling of having my toes stepped upon.  Not everything is resolved, and not everything can be resolved right now, but that’s okay. 

I had a little wedding meltdown recently over something arguably stupid (short explanation: I thought one of the cousins didn’t receive an RSVP card in their invitation and PANICKED), and I know I made her feel bad. The meltdown was worse than it may otherwise have been because on top of the thought that it went wrong the one time I actually tried to trust someone else to do something for the wedding without me micromanaging (I swear I’m trying so hard not to be a bridezilla), she had said some things earlier in the week about some life choices Matt and I are discussing that she wasn’t very happy with.  This led to me not being very happy with her, so compounded with the situation with the RSVP card… I freaked out more than necessary due to already being rather upset, and it wasn’t pretty.

To make matters worse, it was also a Friday in September, which means I’d spent an entire week going outside with the ragweed, getting up early, and not sleeping well because of the ragweed.  Usually by Friday during this time of year, I’ve had a whole week of getting up early to work on schoolwork, being exhausted by being surrounded by people all the damn time on top of all the running around on the enormous-ass campus, I feel like shit physically because what little sleep I’m getting is poor quality because I can’t breathe, and so I’m just done by Friday.  So a Friday night is the worst possible time for me to get confused about a situation involving the wedding.  It was ugly.  It was not my best moment.

By the next morning the air was cleared, and I felt like an asshole.  Which I told her when I sucked it up and apologized like an adult.  I used a different adjective, though.  Anyway, this situation led to a long talk while we were driving to a specialty lingerie store to get a different bra for the wedding – the one I bought in July is not supportive enough even with boning in the cups – and I feel like this has led to my FMIL and I understanding one another better.  We spent probably 10 hours together (we did some other wedding things and also visited FMIL’s mother, we did not spend 10 hours at a lingerie store) and got along really well, which was awesome.  We talked about a lot of things, including how when she first met me, she told Matt’s dad (FFIL for this) that I am just like her in behaviors, and she wondered if I was the one.  And from that point on, every time I did or said something in front of them that bugged her, she would look at FFIL and he would nod his head to let her know that that was exactly her.  She even had the exact same problems with her own MIL when she was getting married.  I also talk about as much as FFIL does (he talks so much that we call it “name-ing” people – pretend his name is there), so Matt is basically marrying a condensed version of his parents, which I find hilarious.  But she and I have the same people management skills and mannerisms, the same level of patience with people, we both yell at Matt for the exact same things in the exact same way, we have the same meltdowns when we’re tired… whee!

Unfortunately, because of the similarity between me and FMIL, we are probably going to butt heads rather often, but now at least we both understand each other better and maybe that will mitigate some of the frustration with each other.  After all that talking (I talked so much that my throat was sore by the time I went to bed), I definitely feel a lot more comfortable with her, though I don’t know if I will ever really learn how to act like a daughter.

KU is Trying to Kill Me Again...

So, very long time, no post.  No weather photos lately (not that I've posted any in ages anyway), have a lot of crocheting projects I might post about at some other point, but this is going to be about calculus.  I don't know if I've posted much about the kinds of classes I'm taking at KU, but I'm minoring in math to go with my atmospheric science degree, and I'm still trying to decide if I want to get a teaching certificate along with all of that (good backup since meteorology is a hard field to actually get into).  Don't really want to teach in the state of Kansas because of Brownback, but at least it would be a job, I suppose.

Anyway, I took Math 121 last semester (spring), which is engineering calculus - it's Math 115 and 116 combined with a healthy dose of the tears of students.  I went through two notebooks taking this course.  It was not an easy course.  I passed it with a C, and given the apparent failure rate of this course (I'll explain in a minute), that's kind of like getting an A.  So I'm pretty happy with my grade in 121, but the next in the original sequence was Math 122, and apparently that one is even worse.  KU is in the process of changing their calculus sequence because of the failure rate of this sequence, so it will more or less jive with other universities' calculus sequences (also making it simpler to transfer credits).  The original sequence was Math 121, 122, and 223 - the last being vector calculus.  KU has decided to deemphasize vector calculus in favor of spreading the information out a little bit more, so Math 125 now covers about three quarters of Math 121, Math 126 covers the end of 121 and the beginning of 122, and Math 127 covers the rest of 122 and the important parts of Math 223.  So basically the new calculus sequence teaches the same material (except less emphasis on vectors), but makes it easier to learn so more people can pass it.

Now that we've covered the (long, drawn-out) explanation of the types of calculus classes available at KU (ignoring the honors classes because there's only so much flogging a person can take), I can explain why KU is trying to kill me again.

Because of where I am in the sequence, I had the option of taking either Math 122 or Math 126, since 121 works as a prerequisite for both.  Given that I barely survived 121, when I spoke to the math department advisor about seeing if there was a 5 day a week small class for 122, she explained that KU is making the transition I explained above and that I could take 126, which is supposed to be a little easier and all the sections are 5 days a week.  It's one less credit hour than 122, but 127 is also 4 credit hours (whereas 223 is 3 credit hours), so I still end up with more or less the same amount of credits in the calculus sequence overall.  Obviously, I decided to take the easier option and enrolled in 126 for this fall, with the intention of taking 127 this spring.

Anyway, the book lists are available on the bookstore website now, so I went to figure out what I need to buy vs what I already own, and to see if I could get anything in an older edition because I'm cheap.  While looking at the books, I noticed that the author of the math book for my new calculus class is the same as the author of the calculus textbook I already own, so I emailed the math department to see if I had to buy a whole new book, and their admin assistant emailed me this morning and about gave me a heart attack.  She told me that the text is the same book but the regular version instead of the custom version KU was using for the old calc sequence, and that it also had Webassign (whatever that is), but that I shouldn't be enrolled in Math 126, I should be enrolled in Math 122.  I emailed her a very brief response and then decided that this warranted a phone call and called to find out what the hell was going on.  She said that the sequence was supposed to be 121 and then 122, and that 126 was part of the 125, 126, 127 sequence, and that since I had taken 121, I should be in 122.  I then looked up the prerequisites for 126 and said that it said I could take 126 with a prereq of 121 and told her what the math department advisor said to me about how I could switch sequences and that I'd basically be getting a little review before moving on to new things, and the admin assistant told me she's not a mathematician, and that if that's what the advisor said, to go with that.  Then she explained the book thing more thoroughly and that we don't have a course coordinator because there's only 3 sections of 126 this semester, and that TAs are in the process of being assigned courses right now.

So basically everything is fine, I have to spend a ton of money on a book I already own most of (the custom book skips a chapter), and the administrative assistant tried to answer a question I never asked.

KU is definitely trying to kill me.

Motherless Bride

So, since my last post, I got engaged (March 6th)!  Woo hoo!  I'm really excited about it, Matt's my favorite and I haven't killed him, so I think this is a good thing.

Of course, there's always those other issues that I have to contend with that sometimes put a damper on my excitement.  I'm speaking, of course, of my decision to cut my mother out of my life.  That would be one thing, but my birth father is also out of the picture - he was an awful person who I barely knew and he died in 2012 - and my grandparents died in 2005 and 2007.  Not only that, but I have little to no contact with the aunt and uncle I grew up with (they were the legally adopted children of the people I called my grandparents, while my mother was the foster child, so I have no legally recognized relationship with them), and all that I have left that is technically family is my mother's soon-to-be ex-husband's brother, sister-in-law, and niece (who has a husband and two daughters).  I am, essentially, alone.

Normally, I am fine with this.  But there's something about weddings that I guess makes you lose your mind a little (maybe this is just me), because it was really hard to go to David's Bridal and do my dress appointment knowing that my mother wouldn't be there with me like she was supposed to be, and it's really hard to know that Grandpa won't be giving me away at my wedding or dancing with me at the reception because he's gone.  And I never really mourned either of them, either, my mother kept me away from them after I moved in with her and I saw them once before my grandma died, and then I saw Grandpa once about a year before he died, and that was it.  I didn't have a chance to have a connection with them after I left their home, and I had so much awfulness happening around the time of my grandmother's death that I barely had the chance to register it, and I was working 47 hours a week at Arby's when Grandpa died, so I didn't have a chance to think about his death much, either.  The older I've gotten, the more painful it's been, because they were more parents to me than my mother ever was, and they would have been there for the wedding, Grandpa would have given me away, Grandma would have wanted to be in the room with me while I get ready (she would be 102 if she was still alive, so I kind of doubt she would do much to help), Grandpa would have at least tried to dance with me for the father/daughter dance, and I just feel like I've lost something I didn't even know I was going to miss.

I think the hardest part is realizing that there is no one left who remembers my birth, who knows all the stories from before I can remember.  (Even if I was in touch with my mother, she lies about everything constantly, so I can trust nothing she tells me.)  There is no one left, in the traditional sense, who knew me when I was small.  I didn't realize it when I was 20, but I am very much alone.  Yes, I have amazing friends who I am proud to call sisters, and yes, I am gaining a whole new family by marrying Matt, but none of them remember my first birthday.  None of them can tell me what kind of baby I was, or whether my mother had morning sickness with me and how bad it really was.  It's all these small things that I'm supposed to do with my mother, or at the very least a grandmother, and they crop up when I don't expect them and blindside me and then I spend hours crying because it hurts so much to realize that this is the hand I have been dealt.  Most of the time I can reconcile myself with it, but moments where I'm discussing floral arrangements with Matt's mother, or how I want to decorate, or talking about cake or invitations, and I think that it's supposed to be my own mother that I should be talking to about these things, this should be my mother that helps me plan my wedding.  I'm grateful to Matt's mother, she's wonderful, but it's not the same.

I know I am lucky, and I feel ungrateful for feeling the way I do.  Erin's dad is giving me away and (probably) doing the father-daughter dance with me.  Matt's family has welcomed me with open arms.  I've had multiple volunteers for stand-in for mother of the bride, and even grandmother of the bride, and they will be treated as such at the wedding.

I wish there was a guide for this type of situation.  I can find nothing on the internet for brides whose mothers aren't dead but aren't going to be allowed anywhere near the wedding (like seriously, we're showing her photo to the ushers and having them tell her she can't come in, and if she insists, they're to call the police and get me, because I want her nowhere near my wedding).  There's plenty of guides for brides who had good relationships with their mothers who died, but my mother is not dead and I did not have a good relationship with her.  My mother is in Colorado, and there I hope she stays.

I know I am lucky, and I am grateful to everyone who has offered to help (even if I have no idea how to accept help or what to tell them to help me with), I am grateful to everyone who has been so supportive, I really am.  But tonight... tonight I am just sad and lost and feeling very orphaned.

Winter Can Just Fuck Right Off

I drove in the snow for the first time today.  Take a guess how that went.  I also ended up driving before the plows had really had a chance to get out there and clean up the roads.

It took 20 minutes to drive a mile.

Can I move back to Emporia and go to a school I don't need to drive to?  Fishtailing sucks.  Hills suck.  My tiny little truck hates hills and snow and this experience basically ruined today.

Here's a picture I took before I tried to drive when I was still mildly peeved about the snow:

This is as close to a picture of my face as you are likely to see on this blog unless you know me IRL

*insert more whining about driving in the snow here*

Anyway, this semester sucks less than last semester, I'm unwilling to say it's going well, but it's a lot better.  I'm having no problem with calculus (I didn't fully understand some of what we covered in class today, but hopefully it'll make sense later).  Actually, calculus is fun.  So apparently my brain just doesn't do trigonometry for some reason.  I have like 3 papers due in the next week or so that I haven't started, I'm behind on the reading for all my classes... I'm the worst student ever.  I have a project for my climatology class involving keeping a daily log of the minimum and maximum temperatures, as well as a daily precipitation total.  I've been doing fairly well on that, though my thermometer always reads about 10 degrees warmer because of the albedo of the stuff that's around it, among other things.

Anyway, I don't hate KU like I did last semester, but I'm not ready to say I like it, either.

I started making another blanket right before school started.  It's almost done, but I'm not working on it until either spring break or the semester is over.  I don't want a repeat of last semester.  I watch Star Trek too much as it is.

So, weather.  It's cold.  It's currently snowing.  Since I only find snow magical between Thanksgiving and Christmas, it can go to hell and die.  Lawrence is basically made of hills.  I'm pretty sure I will not be going anywhere, which sucks because I missed classes on Monday when my truck froze shut.  February is a shitty month.  I hate February.  Only good thing about this month is what's going to happen soon.  That's all I'm saying, I'm not sure who reads this blog, but I don't want a repeat of what happened last time I didn't think certain people were paying attention.  Matt's mom was not thrilled, and she'd be really hurt if I let that happen to her again.

I'm exhausted and it's only 4:00.  Probably doesn't help that I'm drinking a beer (well, apple ale, whatever that means).  I need to do some homework, or pretend that I'm productive.  Actually read the 8,994,345 books I need to read.

I used to like reading, too....

So, back in school for the spring semester.  My calculus textbook cost an obscene amount of money and is over 1,000 pages long and the first assignment was assigned two days before the first class and it had 46 problems because fuck me.  My climatology textbook is way less scary, but I have a huge project that I'm pretending I don't need to prepare for.  I'm also taking two history classes simultaneously, and the subjects overlap one another somewhat, so it'll be interesting to see the various facets of the overlapping areas.  Unfortunately, between the two classes, there are nine books, all of which I'm expected to read, and six of which I have to write papers about.  Yay.  At least my bullshit game is strong.  College is killing my ability to enjoy reading, and this is unfortunate.

Anyway, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, but nothing like I was last semester.  I'm not instantaneously lost in every class like I was.  I have learned to not pack quite so much into a single semester.  (At least I didn't fail any classes last semester, but let's not tempt fate.)

That's about all I have to say, just writing a short update for the sake of updating, mostly.  At some point I should probably write something real, but I suck and don't know if that's actually ever going to happen.  If I could stop procrastinating, that would be great.